Here and Now in Therapy
19 Jul 2023A First Lesson
When I started counselling others, I fell into one of the many traps common for young therapists. People will come into therapy and want to talk about everyone except themselves and they will want to cast blame on everyone except themselves. Some of the stories are incredibly compelling and young therapists can begin to unwittingly cooperate in these efforts.
Someone tells you of a horrendous person with whom they have to deal and you - having empathy for your client - begin to share these feelings for third persons. You might start to agree with the client about this other person and you might even begin to imagine ways to change the third person. You quickly learn as a therapist that these reactions are not in the best interest of your client. There is a big lesson here - THERAPY IS ALWAYS ABOUT THE PERSON IN THE ROOM. What does this mean?
The Focus of Therapy
You aren’t in therapy to help Auntie Alice or the aggressive step-dad - you are there to help the person sitting across from you. Therapy is always about the person who comes to therapy. Yes, you can bring in significant others for the client’s sessions when appropriate, but this is always to help the client.
The Here and Now
One of the ways this is phrased in therapy is a reference to the “here and now”. In discussing group therapy (but this also holds for individual counselling sessions), Irvin Yalom states:
When the therapy group focuses on the here-and-now, it increases in power and effectiveness. But if the here-and-now focus (that is, a focus on what is happening in this room in the immediate present) is to be therapeutic, it must have two components: the group members must experience one another with as much spontaneity and honesty as possible, and they must also reflect back on that experience. This reflecting back, this self-reflective loop, is crucial if an emotional experience is to be transformed into a therapeutic one.1
Therapeutic Here and Now
When you stay in the moment with your client, the focus remains on the client and what they can do to deal with their difficulties. This focus on the present also allows your client to focus on emotions at the moment and reflect upon their meaning. This is where therapeutic change occurs.
Working for Change
Yes, our issues arise in various contexts. Yes, other people are involved in our lives. Within therapy, though, the focus is upon you, the client. Your therapist cannot change Auntie Alice, nor should they try.
A skilled therapist will be able to repeatedly bring the focus back to you, even when you keep discussing your difficult Auntie.
You are the focus of change. You cannot force others to change, but you can change yourself by allowing yourself to feel the emotions of the moment and reflecting upon what these emotions and the events which inspired them mean to you.
1Yalom, I. D., & Leszcz, M. (2005). In The theory and practice of group psychotherapy (p 30). Basic Books.