From the Middle Kingdom

[Note: This is one of several emails that I sent back to my friends, while I was visiting Shanghai, China in 2005.]

from: jerry@[email address removed]
date: Tue, Sep 20, 2005 at 6:29 PM
subject: From the Middle Kingdom

Hello Everyone!

First, I apologise for taking so long to email, but the last week and a few days have been incredibly hectic.

I am teaching 21 hours per week, which may not sound like a lot, but on top of this I have to prepare for classes, grade homework, etc. The workload ends up being quite a lot and standing in front of others and talking for so many hours is exhausting. Also, the students are of varying levels and one of the classes I teach at the end of the week is full of students who scored at the bottom in the entrance placement tests, so those students are particularly difficult to teach. Unfortunately, most of these students have been studying English for 5 – 10 years and have never even heard a native speaker before. When I asked who has had a native English-speaking teacher before, only one or two raised their hands. Not only have most never heard a native English speaker before, but many have never seen a foreigner. So, when I first walk into a class, mouths drop open and students stare for ages – I now know what circus freaks feel like (“freak” may not be very p.c., but it fits the mood, believe me). One of my classes even applauded loudly when I first entered the room! Speaking of staring, the Chinese have this incredibly annoying trait of staring at you for ages and when you stare back, they don’t generally take this as a hint to stop staring, but instead will keep looking at you.

Speaking of responses from locals, it was so funny a few days ago, when I was shopping with another teacher and a small boy (I would guess between 3 – 5) saw us. He was so excited and ran up to the other teacher and pulled on his pants and waved frantically. When the teacher turned around, looked down and smiled, it really pleased this boy. You would have thought this Westerner was Santa Claus. The boy’s parents were watching on and smiling. We saw the boy again down another aisle and he was just as excited, waving again.

Some of the students here do things hard (we heard a speech by a woman here who would be like a Dean). She told us several stories of hardship, such as the story of the student accepted, whose father walked 10 kilometers to a place from which he could hitch-hike to Shanghai, so that he could ask if his child could get into a cheaper course, as the family couldn’t afford the 16,000 Yuan (about AUD 2,500) for the annual tuition. When the father was told the courses were no cheaper, he travelled the long distance back home and sold everything he could, including an ox and several other animals and could only come up with 1,000 Yuan (even after borrowing from relatives). I was feeling a bit emotional that day, missing Kalena and Jack so much, and I must say that I got a bit choked up by it all.

Transport in Shanghai? You would not believe it! First, Shanghai is a city of about 20 million people (the locals repeatedly tell me this figure, in contrast to the 13 million figure that I mentioned in my first Shanghai email). Stop signs and pedestrian crossings are only suggestions and they are generally suggestions for pedestrians only, as drivers will not yield for anyone (other cars, bicycles, pedestrians, etc). At intersections, it is a free-for-all, as cars from all directions continue through and those walking or on bicycles swerve around everyone else. Cars honk at pedestrians, at those on bicycles or mopeds, at other cars, at trucks and buses, etc. It is a very daunting experience, even if you are only sitting in the back of a cab (where seat belts are never used). Shanghai is a city with the population the size of all of Australia and while car use is not (yet) as high as in the West, the streets are places that have to be navigated with great care. While a visitor may not enjoy such and may not adopt the local custom of walking on the side of the road (when there is a perfectly good footpath), walking diagonally through a busy intersection, etc….you still have to try to adjust, because even if you stand at an intersection and watch for the sign to walk, you will be waiting forever if you expect others to completely stop and allow you to walk across the street.

Then there is are the queues (AE: lines). When you queue up for something, this civilised line means nothing. People will walk directly to the front of the queue (who were never in line in the first place). This happens everywhere and is especially annoying if you are queued up to catch the last bus of the evening and people come out of nowhere and walk past those lined up and get directly on the bus. Also, if you are lined up to get on a lift (AmE: elevator), this same behaviour applies. Add to this the fact that almost no one waits for people to get out of the lift (or off of the train) before they start to shove their way on. It is truly a free-for-all that is difficult to fathom until you have lived it. There is a Canadian teacher at this university who complains about this behaviour and preaches about how he will remain polite and then bitches at the locals for everything imaginable (calling their apartments “shit holes”, complaining about local food, etc). The only thing worse than a condescending American is a small-minded condescending Canadian. This same fellow cannot stand my use of Australian expressions and walks around telling all of the teachers who aren’t from North America that they “have accents”. Apparently, this dumb bastard doesn’t realise that he has an incredibly broad Canadian accent and sounds like he has just come out of his mountain cabin.

Anyway, about apartments – I had a dozen or so friends in the USA who were from China and I always tried to keep an open mind by not assuming that all Chinese were so untidy. Well, I am still trying to keep an open mind, but it gets harder every day. Paint is not considered a necessity, for men to aim for the toilet seems like too much trouble…..I could go on and on here. Keep in mind here that I am not trying to be insulting and I can assure you that I am nothing but polite to those I meet, but many on this email list have asked me for an honest evaluation of what I see. I went with Elizabeth (the Director’s Chinese assistant) and the Canadian teacher to look for apartments yesterday. We started at about 11.30 and looked at several places, finishing at about 5PM (before I had to take a two hour trip by public transport back to the university). The first two places looked like nuclear fall-out shelters (but I was too polite to call them “shit holes”, “dumps” and “dives” as my Canadian colleague did). The next place was promoted as a “new” apartment, but apparently in China the landlord can live in a place for 6 – 12 months and stink up a place with the smell of fish (and leave the stove a mess) and still refer to the dwelling as a “new apartment” (all of this and ask for about AUD 700 per month). I was very discouraged at the end of the day, because I saw nothing that would be suitable for Kal, Jack and me and Elizabeth suggested that I would have to pay quite a lot for the style of apartment I want. This put me in a very bad mood last night, as while I can barely stand the thought of being away from Kal and Jack for a few months, I cannot even think of them not being able to come here. Hopefully, I will be able to find a decent place, because if I don’t, I am not willing to be away from them for the full teaching year. We will see how we go.

On a brighter note (or at least a humorous one) – if you have never used a Turkish toilet, you have been lucky. For those who aren’t aware of this wonderful invention, it is a hole in the floor that you have to stoop over and aim for. I can say that there are two things worse than using a Turkish toilet. One thing is using a Turkish toilet and then realising that the Chinese don’t really worry about supplying toilet paper in their toilets. The second thing is using a Turkish toilet, realising there is no toilet paper and then realising that hand soap also considered unnecessary in Chinese toilets. AUGGHHHHH!!!!!

My Chinese lessons are going OK. The tones are very difficult and I now realise how easy Japanese study was (Japanese has no tones). My tutor (Elizabeth’s daughter) has helped me come up with a Chinese name. My middle name “Lee” is my Chinese surname and my given names translate to something like “bountiful harvest”. My tutor and her female friend decided on this name and I am not sure exactly what undertones it has (the Chinese generally name their children names that suggest their future, such as naming a child the Chinese word for “money”). Now I just have to learn how to properly pronounce the tones of my Chinese name!

Well, I have a lot of prep work to do for class tomorrow, so I should end this.

I hope you all are well!

Cheers,

Mr. Lee