[Note: This is one of several emails that I sent to my friends, just after getting back home to Australia, from visiting Shanghai, China in 2005.]

from: jerry@[email address removed]
date: Fri, Oct 21, 2005 at 11:48 AM
subject: Dante’s Inferno (no, scrap that one)…Pass me a drink and long live hedonism!

I am back home in Australia. Not only am I back home, but I have been having a beautiful bottle of red and listening to one of my favourite CDs, so I am in an incredibly good mood and the suffering of the third world seems a universe away. Thank goodness for hedonism! I have that wonderful feeling that comes with the first half a bottle of wine – feeling all warm inside and feeling a sense of love for everyone on the planet. I remember trying to radiate compassion for others when I was meditating before Jack was born and I had far less success then than I am having now with a bit of South Australian red flowing through my veins. This feeling is augmented by the love songs of my youth that are vibrating through my head, thanks to my friends at Sony…

Enough good will – none of you will believe this email is from me!

I started this email to tell everyone about my last week in Shanghai, but I am now in too good a mood to go into such. Suffice it to say that there are a hell of a lot of people suffering on this planet. As I bounce from Australia, to New Zealand to the USA, it is easy to forget that most people on this planet are living in the most unimaginable conditions possible. It is sickening to know parents break their children’s limbs (and worse) and use a needle and thread to sew their children’s eyes shut so they can beg (I saw a hell of a job of this on the subway in Shanghai – reminds me of my first experience darning my socks in university). Perhaps having one child (and the extra attention parents provide such children) will mean that dear little Jack will grow up unaware of such suffering, but I couldn’t be the one to put him in such an environment. Hell, I wish I wasn’t aware of such myself! There will be enough for Jack to see when he is grown, if we can give him a happy childhood, he will be one of a lucky few.

If China is the civilisation of the 21st Century, I am so glad that I was a child of the 20th. Westerners seem shocked at the torture of animals in the Middle Kingdom (such as keeping animals alive and in misery for their bile and such), but this is completely consistent with the Chinese view of the suffering of all life, including human beings. Perhaps when you have 1.2 billion people, you couldn’t give a shit about the suffering of a few (or the masses in general). Ancient China was able to build the Great Wall by the exploitation of millions and they are now developing the greatest commercial society ever seen by continuing such exploitation. Most societies are afraid of those outside (e.g. the “Reds” in 20th Century America or the “Asian Hordes” in Australia), but the Chinese are singular in their greatest fear being themselves. Forget being afraid of others when you have a billion people – fear the potential of your own people. Work the shit out of them, give them distractions like alcohol and Nintendo and if nothing else works – threaten them and kill some for effect. Of course, this exploitation is further encouraged by the appetite of those of us in the West for cheap goods. We can talk about “human rights”, but will eagerly disregard such for a few bucks off of our consumer goods (or for real or imagined T*E*R*R*O*R*I*S*T threats). Democracy is dead! Long live Democracy!

Shit! I am half drunk and still I am rambling on about this. I missed my calling – I should have been a politician. Perhaps this email doesn’t make much sense, but I am too much under the influence of my friend Bacchus to know or care.

Well, I am going to finish this sexy bottle of red off and settle for the evening.

Happy to be back in Terra Australis!

Cogito ergo sum.

Cheers,

Jer

[Note: This is one of several emails that I sent back to my friends, while I was visiting Shanghai, China in 2005.]

from: jerry@[email address removed]
Date: Sun, 25 Sep 2005 11:02:57
Subject: Food, drinks, et cetera

Hello, everyone!

It is 7AM and I am already at the office. I don’t seem to be able to sleep more than eight hours since I arrived here and as I went to bed at about 9.30PM, I was awake with many thoughts dancing through my head at 5.30AM.

I have been asked a bit about Chinese food (you know who you are), so I will give a brief account of what I have experienced in my few weeks here. First, the Chinese eat predominately carbohydrates. Of course, we already know they eat a lot of rice, but they supplement these carbs with dumplings, doughy breads, sugar added to everything, etc. Speaking of sugar, they have that terrible fetish with corn syrup that the Americans have. Corn syrup is cheap, so it is added to SO MANY things – all sorts of carbonated drinks, drinks that are referred to as “fruit juices” (but are mostly corn syrup and water), et cetera. Not only is all of this sugar bad for the waist and teeth, but it also plays hell on one’s stomach. On my last trip to the USA I had to start popping antacids, so I am doing my best to avoid such here by drinking LOTS of green tea and water, instead of other drinks. The Chinese do not eat anything like the amount of meat and other protein we have in the West (which could account to some extent for their size) and when they do have meat, nothing goes to waste. So, when you have a chicken, beef or pork disk, the bones are included (free of charge). If you go to restaurants frequented by foreigners, there are not so many bones, but at the local restaurants, expect to get your bone dish with a little meat included. When you have these meals you end up putting in your mouth (with your chop sticks, of course) what appears to be a nice big piece of chicken and you have to spit out a huge bone. Elizabeth (Roderick’s Chinese assistance) claims that the meat next to the bone is “delicious” and that this is why Chinese eat it, but I would say that their are more historical and practical reasons why it is preferred. Speaking of chop sticks, I am often complimented by the Chinese on my abilities with chop sticks! Now I can look back on all of those times in my favourite Chinese restaurant in Oklahoma (when I was taunted by others for attempting to use chop sticks) with pride. Also, when you go out to eat with others, the dishes are put in the middle and everyone reaches and grabs what they want with their chop sticks (even after they have put their chop sticks in their mouths).

Chinese drinks – the Chinese drink HEAPS of green tea, their beer is all made from rice (including foreign brands produced locally), they haven’t yet developed a taste for coffee (unlike most of the rest of the planet) and they have hard liquors made from rice. They also have a type of hard liquor that tastes something like brandy (if such a comparison can be made) and it ranges in price from AUD1.00 up for around 600 ml (I bought a more expensive brand that was AUD3.00).

So far, the Chinese have been friendly and accepting. Of course, they do like to stare but this more in awe then as an act of disrespect. When you approach them and try to speak to them, they smile and are quite patient, even putting up with your wild gestures and sounds (no one I know will ever be able to beat me at Charades (sp) again). Actually, so far I have found them much more inviting than Australians (excluding those other Aussies on this list, of course). When I am in Australia, I find that I speak little in public (can those of you I know from the US believe this?), as the moment you open your mouth and Australians hear your accent, they often snarl, develop a very blank and uninviting stare or comment on how lucky you are to be in Australia and out of the hell hole you came from (wherever this may be). This makes more sense when you look at Australian history (try reading Manning Clarke’s Short/Brief History of Australia) and you find out that the children of the early Australian convicts considered their own parents as foreigners. Many times, I have stood quietly on lifts or walked into shops and said nothing and heard the insults that were thrown at Americans, Brits, Kiwis, etc. It is especially interesting when an Aussie makes such a remark and then turns to me for validation, only to hear me sarcastically agree in my American accent. You should see their faces! I have never been anywhere else in the world where people comment on how open and friendly they are and have no idea how bigoted and racist they really are.

The Chinese, however, tend to be fascinated with things and people from the West. People are eager to talk to you (especially to practice their English) and Westerners should especially expect to be approached for a conversation if they are by themselves. I went to the student canteen to eat by myself the other night and the place was almost deserted (I planned it this way) and while there were hundreds of empty seats, a Chinese girl came and sat down at my table. She asked if the seat was free first and then said “Hello, my name is Cinderella.” The Western names some of these students take! Some of the more memorable from the last few weeks are “Brick” and “Kinky”, but I must say that I almost spit out my hot dumplings all over “Cinderella” when she told me her name.

I did three hours of student interviews yesterday to show students what the speaking part of the IELTS test is like (the IELTS test is an English language test that is used to determine if a student is proficient enough to study in an English-speaking university). I asked students questions about themselves and about important people in their lives and it was touching to hear about their respect for their parents and their understanding of the sacrifices that their parents have made for them to be able to attend university. I am an old softy these days and it was difficult to hold it together at times, especially as I saw the students get teary-eyed while talking about their mothers and fathers.

One thing that really pisses me off about China (note the strong language here) is the Internet access at the university. I am hoping that it will be better when I have ADSL at my apartment, but it is absolute shit here. The university probably has some ancient server here, on which they try to support as many users as possible. They have set the server time out to something like one minute, so if you are surfing the Net and you stop for a second to read something and you have no browser activity (i.e. you don’t click a link), you have to bookmark your place and log back in and then go back to your website (and perhaps log in there again). What a complete pain in the ass! I am having to type this email in Notepad and then copy and paste to my email program the moment I want to send it. Also, the university only allows an extremely limited amount of access to users (even though we teachers were told we would have “Internet access” when we applied for positions here), so if you are online more than a few minutes a day, your account time runs out and you have to go kowtow (sp) to some tosser in the IT department. This system might be OK for those peasants who spend most of their days working in the fields, but it is inadequate for those accustomed to using technology in the 21st Century (I know you b*st*r*s in IT are reading my emails and I hope you take note!). I will put up with bones in my food and more, but I will not stay in a country that can’t even do something as basis as provide decent Internet access to their teaching staff.

Well, it has been almost an hour since I arrived in the office and I need to prepare for my classes.

I hope you all are well.

Someone please have a drink of good Aussie or Kiwi beer for me and know that I wish I could join you!

Cheers,

Jerry

P.S. Please note that I have had to borrow someone else’s username and password to log into the university server, as I have apparently already used my 22 seconds of access for this month! So, if you email, please use my gmail account (which I will have to check at an Internet Cafe). If this is the Internet access I am going to have, I will get on a plane and fly back to OZ.

[Note: This is one of several emails that I sent back to my friends, while I was visiting Shanghai, China in 2005.]

from: jerry@[email address removed]
date: Tue, Sep 20, 2005 at 6:29 PM
subject: From the Middle Kingdom

Hello Everyone!

First, I apologise for taking so long to email, but the last week and a few days have been incredibly hectic.

I am teaching 21 hours per week, which may not sound like a lot, but on top of this I have to prepare for classes, grade homework, etc. The workload ends up being quite a lot and standing in front of others and talking for so many hours is exhausting. Also, the students are of varying levels and one of the classes I teach at the end of the week is full of students who scored at the bottom in the entrance placement tests, so those students are particularly difficult to teach. Unfortunately, most of these students have been studying English for 5 – 10 years and have never even heard a native speaker before. When I asked who has had a native English-speaking teacher before, only one or two raised their hands. Not only have most never heard a native English speaker before, but many have never seen a foreigner. So, when I first walk into a class, mouths drop open and students stare for ages – I now know what circus freaks feel like (“freak” may not be very p.c., but it fits the mood, believe me). One of my classes even applauded loudly when I first entered the room! Speaking of staring, the Chinese have this incredibly annoying trait of staring at you for ages and when you stare back, they don’t generally take this as a hint to stop staring, but instead will keep looking at you.

Speaking of responses from locals, it was so funny a few days ago, when I was shopping with another teacher and a small boy (I would guess between 3 – 5) saw us. He was so excited and ran up to the other teacher and pulled on his pants and waved frantically. When the teacher turned around, looked down and smiled, it really pleased this boy. You would have thought this Westerner was Santa Claus. The boy’s parents were watching on and smiling. We saw the boy again down another aisle and he was just as excited, waving again.

Some of the students here do things hard (we heard a speech by a woman here who would be like a Dean). She told us several stories of hardship, such as the story of the student accepted, whose father walked 10 kilometers to a place from which he could hitch-hike to Shanghai, so that he could ask if his child could get into a cheaper course, as the family couldn’t afford the 16,000 Yuan (about AUD 2,500) for the annual tuition. When the father was told the courses were no cheaper, he travelled the long distance back home and sold everything he could, including an ox and several other animals and could only come up with 1,000 Yuan (even after borrowing from relatives). I was feeling a bit emotional that day, missing Kalena and Jack so much, and I must say that I got a bit choked up by it all.

Transport in Shanghai? You would not believe it! First, Shanghai is a city of about 20 million people (the locals repeatedly tell me this figure, in contrast to the 13 million figure that I mentioned in my first Shanghai email). Stop signs and pedestrian crossings are only suggestions and they are generally suggestions for pedestrians only, as drivers will not yield for anyone (other cars, bicycles, pedestrians, etc). At intersections, it is a free-for-all, as cars from all directions continue through and those walking or on bicycles swerve around everyone else. Cars honk at pedestrians, at those on bicycles or mopeds, at other cars, at trucks and buses, etc. It is a very daunting experience, even if you are only sitting in the back of a cab (where seat belts are never used). Shanghai is a city with the population the size of all of Australia and while car use is not (yet) as high as in the West, the streets are places that have to be navigated with great care. While a visitor may not enjoy such and may not adopt the local custom of walking on the side of the road (when there is a perfectly good footpath), walking diagonally through a busy intersection, etc….you still have to try to adjust, because even if you stand at an intersection and watch for the sign to walk, you will be waiting forever if you expect others to completely stop and allow you to walk across the street.

Then there is are the queues (AE: lines). When you queue up for something, this civilised line means nothing. People will walk directly to the front of the queue (who were never in line in the first place). This happens everywhere and is especially annoying if you are queued up to catch the last bus of the evening and people come out of nowhere and walk past those lined up and get directly on the bus. Also, if you are lined up to get on a lift (AmE: elevator), this same behaviour applies. Add to this the fact that almost no one waits for people to get out of the lift (or off of the train) before they start to shove their way on. It is truly a free-for-all that is difficult to fathom until you have lived it. There is a Canadian teacher at this university who complains about this behaviour and preaches about how he will remain polite and then bitches at the locals for everything imaginable (calling their apartments “shit holes”, complaining about local food, etc). The only thing worse than a condescending American is a small-minded condescending Canadian. This same fellow cannot stand my use of Australian expressions and walks around telling all of the teachers who aren’t from North America that they “have accents”. Apparently, this dumb bastard doesn’t realise that he has an incredibly broad Canadian accent and sounds like he has just come out of his mountain cabin.

Anyway, about apartments – I had a dozen or so friends in the USA who were from China and I always tried to keep an open mind by not assuming that all Chinese were so untidy. Well, I am still trying to keep an open mind, but it gets harder every day. Paint is not considered a necessity, for men to aim for the toilet seems like too much trouble…..I could go on and on here. Keep in mind here that I am not trying to be insulting and I can assure you that I am nothing but polite to those I meet, but many on this email list have asked me for an honest evaluation of what I see. I went with Elizabeth (the Director’s Chinese assistant) and the Canadian teacher to look for apartments yesterday. We started at about 11.30 and looked at several places, finishing at about 5PM (before I had to take a two hour trip by public transport back to the university). The first two places looked like nuclear fall-out shelters (but I was too polite to call them “shit holes”, “dumps” and “dives” as my Canadian colleague did). The next place was promoted as a “new” apartment, but apparently in China the landlord can live in a place for 6 – 12 months and stink up a place with the smell of fish (and leave the stove a mess) and still refer to the dwelling as a “new apartment” (all of this and ask for about AUD 700 per month). I was very discouraged at the end of the day, because I saw nothing that would be suitable for Kal, Jack and me and Elizabeth suggested that I would have to pay quite a lot for the style of apartment I want. This put me in a very bad mood last night, as while I can barely stand the thought of being away from Kal and Jack for a few months, I cannot even think of them not being able to come here. Hopefully, I will be able to find a decent place, because if I don’t, I am not willing to be away from them for the full teaching year. We will see how we go.

On a brighter note (or at least a humorous one) – if you have never used a Turkish toilet, you have been lucky. For those who aren’t aware of this wonderful invention, it is a hole in the floor that you have to stoop over and aim for. I can say that there are two things worse than using a Turkish toilet. One thing is using a Turkish toilet and then realising that the Chinese don’t really worry about supplying toilet paper in their toilets. The second thing is using a Turkish toilet, realising there is no toilet paper and then realising that hand soap also considered unnecessary in Chinese toilets. AUGGHHHHH!!!!!

My Chinese lessons are going OK. The tones are very difficult and I now realise how easy Japanese study was (Japanese has no tones). My tutor (Elizabeth’s daughter) has helped me come up with a Chinese name. My middle name “Lee” is my Chinese surname and my given names translate to something like “bountiful harvest”. My tutor and her female friend decided on this name and I am not sure exactly what undertones it has (the Chinese generally name their children names that suggest their future, such as naming a child the Chinese word for “money”). Now I just have to learn how to properly pronounce the tones of my Chinese name!

Well, I have a lot of prep work to do for class tomorrow, so I should end this.

I hope you all are well!

Cheers,

Mr. Lee