Category Archives: Personal Ramblings

Personal Ramblings

Meditation Retreat a Disappointment

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First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Now that I have that out of the way, it is time to reflect on the meditation retreat that did not (fully) happen.

Before going on a mediation retreat 2+ hours from my home yesterday afternoon, my emotions were a mixture of excitement at the possibilities and foreboding of difficulties which can be encountered mentally and physically. At no point did I imagine that I might be disappointed with the retreat, but upon arriving I realised relatively quickly that such was a case.

I packed up my car with gear for two days: sleeping bag, torch, pillow, meditation cushion, etc. It was getting close now. I got into my wee car, ready for the trip, and was quite sad at having to wave goodbye to my wife and son for the weekend. Normally, my son and I spend Saturday nights having “Sci-fi”, which translates to watching two episodes of Star Trek (or similar) and having brownies or lollies. This Saturday night (which will be upon us as soon as I finish this journal entry) is doubly special because it is also my birthday. So, rather than Sci-fi, birthday celebrations and the Rugby match on Sunday (for which we had already bought tickets), I decided that it would be worthwhile to spend the weekend honing my meditation practice, both for the advantages to myself and the possible advantages that I could bring to my counselling clients, through the addition of Mindfulness-based therapy offerings.

As I departed beautiful Banks Peninsula for the Southern Alps, I was full of hope. I watched the sun going down over the mountains and imagined that perhaps this would be one of those events in my life that I would look back on with appreciation. I looked at the stunning scenery around me, as if for the first time. It got dark not long after I left home and I hate driving at night. Add to this that I was driving to a place with only the rudimentary printout provided by the organisation in charge of the retreat and I was dubious of being able to get there on time.

I drove for an hour and a half and then began the steep and windy ascent into the Southern Alps, headed towards the rugged West Coast of the South Island, via Arthur’s Pass. After driving about another thirty minutes, I somehow managed to see a sign in the dark for “Mt. Cheeseman” and turned up a very poorly maintained gravel road. After driving about 10 minutes on this windy road into the mountains, I wondered if this was actually the correct path. New Zealanders aren’t known to be terribly precise and the politeness or general consideration of putting up marker signs like “x metres this way” are rarely considered. I decided to continue on my trek into the mountains in my wee Toyota (not made for such travel). I briefly thought to myself that it would have been good if the organisers had mentioned a long drive on an unsealed road was required, but quickly reminded myself that such thoughtfulness is not to be expected.

I finally made it to the cabin and walked in to find the participants around tables eating. Of course a greeting would have been good, but instead I was asked if I was ready to pay for the weekend (thank you very much). After settling my account, I was offered the evening meal. The PDF I was sent about the retreat mentioned “delicious vegetarian” meals, but I was given what appeared to be school cafeteria nachos – of the vegetarian variety. Although I had a substantial appetite, I stopped after the first portion of this dish. It was an extreme disappointment after the delicious food that was suggested in the brochure. Continuing with the discussion of food, boxes of cereal were put out for the morning. The cuisine was certainly not what was promoted.

From 8PM to 9PM, we were to have a meditation session. Despite my impressions so far, I was excited at the prospect. The facilities provided for group meditation were smaller than my lounge room at home and this small space was to contain 20+ participants. I have been to meditation gatherings before and have never encountered such cramped environs. I ended up sitting next to a wall, without any room to get comfortable in the least, with people close on each side (right, behind and in front). The wall heater was blazing, so soon not only was this a very cramped space, but also a very hot one. I was down to my t-shirt and still felt like I would pass out.

In arrived the nun who seemed to be facilitating the meditation retreat. My biggest disappointment was to come. She began to ramble on in no precise fashion or structure. I have come to expect this at many gatherings in NZ (a Kiwi mate of mine refers to this lack of preparation as “amateurism common in NZ”). This nun spoke of “pure beings”, “thoughts coming from the heart” and similar rubbish and despite my continuing attempts to keep an open mind, I realised that this environment was not for me. I can handle metaphor, parables and similar – I have a background and degree in Theology, after all. What I cannot abide, however, is a general lack of intellectual development. I found myself evaluating the speech of this nun according to my own understanding of the Buddha’s teachings and found myself thinking that perhaps I would be better leading this retreat. From what we know of the Buddha, he was arguably an intelligent individual and I have made some effort to integrate aspects of Buddhist philosophy/psychology into my own existence and counselling practice. Sadly, though, as Buddha’s teaching travelled throughout the East, his teachings were mingled with the mysticism and other religious beliefs of the largely uneducated native populations. This has produced a variety of “Buddhisms”, most of which would hardly be appealing to an educated and modern individual. I cannot, for example, take stock in the primitive notion that thoughts originate in the muscle of the heart (a common primitive belief), rather than in the neurons of the brain. If Buddhism is ever to take significant hold in the Western world, it will have to return to its most basic teachings of the Four Noble Truths considered in the light of reason. After great minds like David Hume, we cannot go back to our caves and believe in reflections on walls.

So, bedtime arrived and I found myself extremely disappointed.

The Buddha taught that the truth is inside of each of us. Ultimately, we must look within for the answers. I realised that my years of exploration – in Philosophy, Buddhism and other areas – meant that this retreat had nothing to offer me. I got out of my bunk, packed up my car in the darkness and headed down the windy road back to home. As I drove slowly in the dark, leaving behind the retreat, I remembered the words of the Buddha:

“If a traveler does not meet with one who is better or equal, let one firmly travel alone; there is no companionship with a fool.” (The Dhammapada, http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Dhammapada)

Dinosaurs in Business

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I was having a conversation with some IT colleagues the other day and it was remarkable to listen to what was being discussed about employers who have not entered the modern age. There was a bit of laughter about these people who are still operating in business as if it were the 1960s. So, I have come up with a few points of advice for those who cannot see what is going on in 21st Century business.

1. People with a clue stopped printing everything they wanted to read – instead they read online, download and/or print to PDF, etc. It is offensive to see the massive stacks of paper and tomes that you want to read (but probably never will), which you have thoughtlessly printed out with no consideration for the environment.

2. Walking around the office to make sure everyone is in their designated seats is not management and you cannot assume that people who sit at their desks are working. I cannot tell you the number of people I have seen on Facebook at work, whose dinosaur bosses assume these staff members are working just because they are at their desks. How embarrassing! Successful modern workers put in long hours, but some of these long hours are in front of the laptop watching TV until midnight, while they slave away at their work. Lazy employers wander around the office looking for bottoms on chairs, but the modern supervisor looks at the quality of work being done and understands the sort of hours that would have to go into the production of such work. Such supervisors understand the nature of work in the modern world.

3. The emphasis in the modern world is on content and not on superficial appearances. In your generation, you sat at a desk in your silly business attire and “looked busy” when your boss walked past. Modern workers dress in a way that you would consider more “casual” (not realising that what you are wearing looks like the stuff from the grandparents’ closet, which was sent to the opportunity shop years ago). One of the things I noticed straight away when I started working in Sydney all those years ago was how relaxed Aussies were in their work attire. It has been good to see this more relaxed trend developing globally. You might have been able to do little work, but convince your boss of otherwise by superficial appearances, but this is not how modern business (by and large) works.

4. Modern bosses understand what they don’t know and trust their staff to do the work they were hired for (including those who are hired for IT related work). The 1960s boss was worried about losing his or her job, so tried to keep all control of projects and other work with him or herself. Only the smallest parts of projects were delegated, with ultimate “power” and decision-making remaining with this incredibly insecure person. Modern projects require that work is delegated to responsible staff and that these staff are able to get on with their work.

5. You learned how to use some simple software, such as MS Excel, decades ago, but you need to know that this is not impressive and not everything is desirable in MS Excel. There are many more desktop applications and server based software and no one is impressed with poorly considered, planned and implemented spreadsheets. Allow your staff to bring your office procedures into the 21st Century!

One can be angry at this insecure supervisor who is stuck in an earlier age, or one can ultimately pity him or her. To tie one’s self-image and worth so much into work that there is no professional progress, no trusting of staff, no ability to let go . . . such a person deserves sympathy, rather than scorn. The dinosaur either needs to get training (and perhaps therapy), or else needs to move over and let the office become the more productive environment that it could be in his or her absence.

Here’s to the future of business and to dinosaurs being where they belong – in museums!

[Disclaimer: Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.] :)

Google+ versus Facebook – Moving to Google+

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I have used Facebook a few years now, but I have never been completely satisfied with this site/software.

First, it is not terribly simple to sort out your “friends” into adequate groups. I have, for example, different groups of people that I  like to keep separate. These groups would include:

  • My few religious friends. These are people that I have been close to since I was very young and I am more than happy to have them on my list, but not always happy to share all of my content (posts, links, etc) with them.
  • My Free Thinker friends. These are the people that I have befriended since I left religious America so many years ago. These are the people with whom I would share almost anything – including jokes about religious people.
  • My work colleagues. These are business professionals in education, online marketing, counselling and a number of different fields in which I have experience and colleagues. I prefer to share business related posts with these people, but to exclude them from some of my more “interesting” jokes, links and other posts.
  • My family. I am happy to share all content with this group.
  • My students (and former students). With this group, I want to share professional content relevant to their area(s) of study.

Facebook has never been good for channeling content at such refined levels. I tried to create a second account where I discussed more “professional” content, but this never worked terribly well. First, people on my other account began to request to be added, which sort of negated the whole purpose in having the second account. Second, I began to get confused as to which account I was logged into and posting – for example, using my iPhone with the business account and then forgetting and posting things for my family and friends. What a mess!

Google+ resolves this problem with “circles” – a bloody fabulous idea! I can create as many circles as I want and channel content to suit to each group. This is reason enough to change to Google+, in my opinion.

Second, if you have ever advertised with Facebook, you would know that whether or not your campaigns are “successful”, the Facebook team can be tight-fisted and unbending – think, for example, of the FB insistence early on of DAILY payment for adverts and their inadequate ability to deal with many international currencies.

Looking forward to developing my circles in Google+!

Indigenous Australians in the Top End

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We moved to Darwin over four months ago and it has been an interesting experience!

One of the things that appealed to me about this move was the chance to interact with indigenous Australians here in the Top End. I have always been fascinated with indigenous peoples, from the Native Americans of the Southwestern United States, to my limited experience with Maori in Christchurch, New Zealand.

Regarding Aborigines, my first interaction was in Sydney in 1999. I was working in hospitality and two aboriginal women came into the hotel where I was working. Two Australian staff were at the desk and said nothing as these indigenous Australians approached the reception desk. The interaction was eerie – the women stood there, saying nothing and feeling uncomfortable and the staff looked straight through them, as if they weren’t there. After a pause that seemed to go on for ages, I stepped up and asked these ladies if I could help them. This was my introduction to the relationship between indigenous and other Australians and it has been observed many times since. In my experience, indigenous Australians are ignored and the results of this can be seen in a number of ways, including the surprise you see on their faces if you walk past and say “hello” or smile as you pass them.

A few weeks ago, while I was having lunch, there were comments among the women with whom I was sitting comparing Aborigines to primates and I was absolutely shocked. If this is the sort of response in “professional” environments, what can we expect otherwise? It breaks my heart to even begin to imagine the treatment of these beautiful people in their own land.

Last night, an aboriginal man was sitting across the street from my house and crying. My wife asked if he was alright and then came into the house to see if I could talk to him. When I got outside, he was gone. One can only begin to imagine the pain that these people have had to endure at the hands of generations of invaders who often don’t consider them human. When whites arrived in Australia, they thought that they could take the land and they used a ridiculous legal fiction to support this desire to take what they wanted – the doctrine of Terra nullius. Under this doctrine of “land belonging to no one”, the Aborigines were “no one”. In my experience, many Aborigines are still treated like “no one”, or like children who need to be guided by paternal interventionist laws.

Perhaps a bit of empathy and respect are needed!

Education in New Zealand

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I taught at a language school in Christchurch in 2003 and this was exactly what I found to be the case too:

http://nz.news.yahoo.com/a/-/top-stories/8400926/teacher-who-failed-poor-students-wins-compensation/

It was absolutely shocking and gave me my first taste of the educational system in New Zealand. Any student with money is welcomed and pushed through, regardless of aptitude, attitude or effort. “Just keep giving us your money”, is the attitude. When I commented on this, I was basically told that I cost the institution money (i.e, they paid me for class hours), while the students were income.

I have had many ask me about coming to New Zealand to study (or about sending their children here). I always encourage them to go to Australia (where I have also taught) or the UK. Do yourself and your children a favor – send them to Australia. When my son gets out of primary school – which seems to be adequate – we are definitely going to be looking at our options.

Coaching and Mentoring Association of New Zealand – Humorous Spam

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I don’t like it when people send me unsolicited email, more commonly referred to as “spam”.

I found the following quite humorous, however, so I have included a response that I would have given them, if their spam was worthy of an email (at the beginning), followed by the spam email that I received (below).

Enjoy!

My response:

I looked at your site (http://www.familymatters.org.nz/) and nowhere does it mention that any of you are actually “life coaches” or “mentors”, but rather counsellors. I was tempted to email you back and say that I could see what was in it for you (e.g. control of an industry that you don’t even seem to be a part of, the opportunity to provide paid supervision required for membership, etc) but to then ask you what would actually be in it for me (you don’t actually bother to provide any details on this important point).

Also, I have no interest in joining an organisation (points above aside) which wishes to lump me in with “pastoral workers”.

Cheers,

Jerry Jordan, MBA, MEd

Beginning of Spam Email

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Alison
Date: Thu, Nov 18, 2010 at 9:09 PM
Subject: FYI
To: [my email address was here]

From: Alison
Subject: FYI

Message Body:
Bar Set for Coaches and Mentors
A Kapiti NGO, Family Matters Foundation, has launched a new professional organisation for life coaches, mentors and pastoral workers. They are creating the first national set of ethical standards and processes for auditing workers in these fields.

Paraparaumu, November 15, 2010 – A new professional body launched today in Paraparaumu is setting national ethical standards for life coaches, mentors and pastoral workers.
The Coaching and Mentoring Association (CAMANZ) will use the ethical standards in issuing practicing certificates based on proof of nine areas of competency.
A private-sector counseling agency, Family Matters, called for the national association to encourage professional standards for social services providers not already covered by existing associations.
“This is a step forward for consumers and providers alike as no longer will clients have to guess about a worker or volunteer’s competence,” said Family Matters chair David Atkinson.
Ethics and membership panels had been established, and standards had been published on the organisation’s website camanz.org.nz.
It would take over 100 hours of supervised practice to apply for full membership.
This was lower than for other professions such as counsellors, but Mr Atkinson said it was a realistic starting point for workers who did not have a professional body of this type. Complaints about a member’s practice would receive a written response within one month, and sanctions could be imposed on a member if a breach of standards was found.
Where complaints were received, a resolution team would work with both parties to find a satisfactory solution, or a formal hearing could be held.
The first audits for full membership are expected within a few weeks.
CAMANZ is an initiative of Family Matters Foundation NZ Incorporated, a Charitable Trust established in 2003 to provide counselling, support and training to children and families.
For more information about Family Matters Foundation, please contact David Atkinson at 021 939 681. www.familymatters.org.nz

Contact:
Coaching and Mentoring Association of New Zealand
Alison Hobcraft
Project Leader
Phone: 027 4418770
Email: alison@camanz.org.nz
Web www.camanz.org.nz
PO Box 317
Paraparaumu
5254

End of Spam Email

Family, Consulting, Master of Counselling, Office Space, etc

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Where have I been the last few weeks? My most important commitment is always family and things have been very busy around our house, as we enter Spring (yeah)! I have also been completing the last two units for my Master of Counselling degree (more than twenty years in coming). I submitted the last two assignments days ago and it felt fantastic.

I have also been looking for new counselling space in Christchurch. We trialled an office in Governors Bay for six months, but even though in a beautiful place and minutes from Christchurch, we found some clients hesitant to drive the few extra minutes. My wife (and business partner) and I have lived in Australia and the USA and driving fifteen minutes for a meeting seems like nothing at all. Such is not the mentality in Christchurch, it seems. So, we have been looking at a place in the city centre and we are close to signing a new lease.

Also, I am doing a mountain of work on the garden. A few English couples lived at our place before us, so there are many plants and shrubs which need care.

Busy, busy, busy as 2010 starts to wind down!

How are things with you? :)

Diamond Harbour, Banks Peninsula, Canterbury, New Zealand

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There are few things better than Spring in Canterbury! This afternoon is absolutely stunning, after a bit of a cloudy morning.

What makes the community of Diamond Harbour and the waters of Lyttelton Harbour so incredible? It is the sun glistening on the water? Is it the perfect sunny day? Is it the stunning views from the Cliff Track?

Banks Peninsula is a truly wonderful place. So glad to be enjoying this day with my son.

May this Spring and Summer – and the rest of 2010 – be all you wish for it to be!

Goodbye to Racist Paul Henry, Formerly of TVNZ

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You will not be missed, Paul. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Try to expand your mind – go on a trip to see the beauty of other cultures, get yourself into university to expand your mind and please – for yourself – get some counselling. Hatred is a terrible thing to carry in your heart. It hurts no one else more than it damages your own self.

I hope that you will find some goodness in others and see not the superficialities of life, but its complexity and beauty. Racism is very often trans-generational – free yourself of this burden, regardless of where you got it.

All the best OFF SCREEN, Paul!

Racist Paul Henry Should be Fired from Our National Television Station

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Paul Henry is a tragic fellow. One cannot help but pity him for his lack of life experience and education, which have him in a prison of hatred and bigotry.

One could only hope that the people of New Zealand would show the integrity to remove him from a national television station, TVNZ, which is funded by all of us paying taxes in New Zealand. If the public cannot understand the depth of these racist comments, then perhaps they will be more likely to understand the hit to their pocketbooks, as the people of India show themselves to be more insightful than their Kiwi counterparts. It is a shame to see morality motivated by money and not by the strength of one’s character.

I moved to New Zealand initially for the scenic beauty and then decided to stay after my son way born, as I wanted him to grow up with the silent integrity of a Sir Edmund Hillary. As the years go by, I see more Paul Henrys than Sir Eds in Aotearoa.

Step out from behind your social fear of being a stirrer and stand up for a fair go for others – others who don’t necessarily look like you. Stop being afraid of being in the spotlight, Kiwis. Show that you have a sense of fairness and decency. Paul Henry should be fired and we need to stand up for this just cause.